What has caused this thought to occur to me? I recently ended a relationship with someone who portrayed himself as extremely tolerant. I recognise this because I like to think I portray myself in the same way. I think we both may be wrong about ourselves.
It is not tolerant to keep badgering someone to see things ‘your way’, nor is it tolerant, however gracefully, to shrug off their lack of understanding of your feelings or views in a martyr-like manner. ‘I suppose I’m just going to have to live with you not understanding me.’
Tolerance is accepting wholeheartedly that each person has their own point of view, and not trying to impose change on that, including on oneself. Allowing the other, and yourself, myself, to feel whatever it is and not to deny or diminish the validity of those feelings. We each spend a lifetime gathering experience, and baggage, that influences how we feel and respond and whatever we feel is valid and reasonable for us at that time. Neither we nor anyone else has the right to tell us we ‘shouldn’t’ be feeling the way we do.
Tolerance of difficult feelings or situations does not mean we have to passively accept whatever it is we feel. We do not have the right to ask someone else to change something to make us more comfortable. But, we do have the choice to change our situation or ourselves. Only through being genuinely tolerant of where we are and who we are can we really recognise that we have the power to change ourselves or our attitudes. It may not be acceptable to change a situation, but it is always possible to change our attitude and relationship with the situation.
The really nice part is that through doing this for ourselves, while also being genuinely tolerant of the people around us, they too can learn to tolerate themselves and discover their own choices in life.
The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves. Eric Hoffer:
Rachfl:
ReplyDeleteYou’re very talented, and this first post is beautifully written; well thought out.
I found encouragement, from this post, to look within myself for challenges and changes I can implement. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Best wishes for your continuance in writing.
In empathy and peace,
Dixie
Dear Rachel,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, a warm welcome to the wonderful world of blogging.
Like dcrelief has stated, your blog is beautifully written. I completely concur with what you have stated in regards to tolerance. For the ability to accept others' beliefs and opinions can go some ways towards making our relationships of greater benefit to all concerned.
Thank you for sharing this thought provoking blog, Rachel. Sending you peaceful wishes, Gary.
Thank you Dixie and Gary for your lovely comments
ReplyDeleteThank you. You have me something new to think about concerning tolerance. That is is not a martyr like thing to do - to ignore when someone is not being tolerant of.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason that hit a note with me. Tolerance is tricky. I use the word a lot but your post made me realized that I need to think more about what it actually means to me.
sorry for the typos. I meant: You gave.... and when someone is not tolerant of your views to not just be quiet and hide your views or conform.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteJust stopped back by to re-read, or see what's new. Hope you are well. In peace, Dixie
Hey Rachel,
ReplyDeleteI have only just discovered your blog and become a follower.
I really like the way you write and "Tolerance" is wonderful. I totally agree not having the right to force change on others, or indeed one's self. Tolerance is something I hope to achieve but there are times when i find this hard.
I am encouraged and uplifted by your post.
Please write some more!
Love and respect, Julie.XXX